Archives

Life does move on and often requires a reset…

Aug2

Last November my mother took up residence in heaven. The following March my mother in law did the same. My husband and I were their main caretakers. I was able to care for my mom while she lived in her own home, as her was next door to mine. My mother-in-law moved in with us two years before she passed. And in the fall of last year my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. From then until May I watched her slowly decline. Never understanding that she was dying and would not experience the hoped for recovery. I felt myself bending under the weight of sadness. Too much to deal with in just a matter of a few months. 

It is now August, and time continues the ongoing work of healing. While waves of sadness still reach the shores of my thoughts, they have diminished in size. No longer threatening to overwhelm but a gentle reminder that in my loss I have the comfort of knowing they now reside in heaven.

Yet after receiving a gut punch in the loss of my best friend, on the heals of the loss of my mother and mother-in-law, I have to say I have had more downs than ups. Due largely to not being able to fully recover from one loss before another one hit. This summer has been spent searching for words from God that would serve as an anchor to secure me in the midst of the storms I was facing

But in God’s timing, next week all ten of my grandchildren, plus most of my children and children in laws will converge upon my home for what has come to be called “Nammy Camp.” Looking forward to and planning for this annual event has provided the much needed impetus I have needed in order to move forward in hope without retreating into my sadness. That is God’s way, after all.

Life, as many know, can be altered suddenly. These times require a reset to a new set of circumstances and situations. And true to His word,  God will work all these new circumstances and situations together for our good for those who love Him and care about pleasing Him.

Next week I’m looking forward to a major ‘reset.’ Days of a variety of distractions and redirected trains of thought. A reset that will redefine the perspective God would have me take regarding this next bend in my life. 

Reframing a frame of mind…

Oct16

Caretaking is a demanding task. And I think the caretaking of the elderly is beyond demanding. Some caretakers, however, seem to have something within them that equips them to push beyond the exacting requirements of the task. I can’t really claim to be one of those.

Taking care of my 100 year old mother (who still lives in her house, very near mine), while also helping my husband take care of his 96 year old mother (who lives with us) has stretched us to our limits. I told my children the other day that I feel like Bilbo Baggins when he said, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” Yep, he nailed it.

The other day, I was talking to my oldest daughter and she brought up the term of reframing. We were talking about my frame of mind as I was attempting to fulfill the requirements of caring for my mother and mother in law. My frame of mind tends to focus more on the demands made of me concerning the restrictions to my daily life, and the emotional wear and tear such tasks create.

For the last 4 years, I have prayed and sought God’s strength. His mandate to honor my mother weighed heavy on my heart. Especially, when my words and or attitudes seem to contradict such instruction. But though there were too many days when I failed, I continued to reach out to God for His grace and mercy. My desire was to be a good Christian daughter to my mother. She had taken good care of me as I was growing up and now it was my turn to do the same for her.

Have you noticed my focus, though? Yep, I was at the center of it.

Interesting to me how God introduced the concept of reframing then orchestrated an occasion that revealed what my focus should be. I was talking to the sweet lady who stays with my mom in the evenings. She was sharing with me some very attentive things she had done for my mom that morning. I wanted so much to say something that revealed the depth of my appreciation. Then I believe God gave me this response, “Thank you for being Jesus to my mom.”

I carried that comment with me all day. It became increasingly clear that whatever I did for my mom in the process of caring for her, would be Jesus loving and caring for her through me. I had my reframe! Now my focus was Jesus and carrying out His will as I cared for my mom.

Just putting a different frame around the caretaking task, drew my focus off myself and onto Jesus. Whew, what a relief! What peace! Sad it took me so long to grasp the concept.

The Season of Caretaking…

Mar8

Advancing to the season of caring for elderly parents has the potential to create a major shift in how we live and even view life. Suddenly, long anticipated plans must be reconsidered. Adjustments in the ebb and flow of daily routines must be rearranged. Physical accommodations of living space need to be appraised. Financial aspects of this arrangement require careful planning. It’s a load that at times can be overwhelming. Our enemy is ever present wielding his weapon of choice in taking advantage of the negatives of this shift to darken our outlook.

But though our focus might be tempted to see only what seems to be an ever lingering uphill climb, we can take measures that will foster a new balance. There are many helpful resources that we can draw upon to provide what is needed to care for our elderly parents. Yet, the main resource, the one true extinguisher of such darkness, is located in the Bible. It’s the map that will guide us in the choices we need to make and how to deal with the problems that arise. For instance:

When we reach the point where we don’t know where to turn, it’s the lamp that will light our way.

When the sacrifices arise that we willingly or unwillingly have to make, we need ‘how to’ advice on what that looks like.

When the logistics and the daily in’s and out’s of caretaking, begin to weigh us down we need a place to cast those burdens.

When we feel we just don’t have what it takes to handle this upheaval in our lives successfully, we need a place to turn to to regain our strength and footing.

And sometimes we just need to be reminded of who we are truly serving.

Yes, sometimes God calls us to a season of caretaking that requires a great deal of self-denial, And even in that there is a source of joy to be discovered.

Honoring as we Care…

Nov3

You tolerate what you must when it becomes your reality. C S Lewis

The dramatic shift in the course of my life (October 24 post?) has brought to the forefront of my thoughts the above statement. As it settled there, the profoundness of Mr. Lewis’s quote sank deep. While my new reality isn’t something I’m excited about it’s encouraging to know that I will be able to tolerate it. Not only will I be able to tolerate what has become my reality, but according to God my life and the lives of my family will be enriched.

Yet even for those of us who have chosen God’s mandate, the actual doing of it is difficult and at best, challenging. We need God’s help in order to honor those who become the recipients of our concern. Having to care for elderly parents, especially within our home, has a huge impact on the family dynamics. Therefore, we must be on our guard for the fiery darts that will be sure to come against us. Fiery darts that are designed to view our caretaking of our elderly parents as a burden prevent us from responding with love, patience, and understanding as we seek to meet their needs

No one desires to be a burden to their adult children, least of all me. But how my future unfolds on this subject, must be surrendered to God. In the meantime, my children and grandchildren are learning valuable lessons in the shaping of their attitudes as they watch and help us care for their grandmothers/great grandmothers. Valuable lessons such as learning to appreciate the elderly as they share their wisdom gleaned through years of highs and lows. The love they are so willing to shower upon their children and grandchildren produces blooms of respect and admiration.

Make no mistake, it’s no picnic taking on the responsibility of someone who like many elderly parents have health and even mental issues. It requires a huge dose of selflessness, strength, and faith. If we seek these from God, then our reality indeed becomes tolerable, teaching us how to honor as we care.