Tag Archive | emotions

Roller Coaster Riding

Jun30

Well, today I am going to be a bit transparent. As I live my life (turning 77 soon!) I’m discovering that life doesn’t, necessarily, improve with age. You might think that the gray hair, wrinkles, and/or physical decline would present the greatest challenges. But for me, that is not the case. I’m learning to accept that as the realities of growing old. Not much fun but it’s reality. I’m learning, with God’s grace, to accept the inevitable. Besides, it’s what’s on the inside that really matters.

However, my greatest struggle occurs when I ponder the future. My husband and I have four children and children in laws, plus ten grandchildren. Yet, they all live in other cities, states, and even continents. Thus, most of our days are spent facing the challenges of maintaining our house and property on our own. In addition, all of which is complicated by our dwindling physical capabilities. While I love my country home and the serenity of its setting, the future is colored with darkened shades.

On the other hand, there are days when my faith surges strong. When I look into the future during such times, hope shines bright, and the darkness is dispelled. But then the fiery darts strike and doubt and fear do their dirty work. It’s like a roller coaster of emotions. My self-centered sinful nature fighting with my God-centered Christlike nature.

Here’s what I have recently determined. I am always going to ride this roller coaster. But on those days when my faith surges, it’s typically because a promise from Scripture sharpened my focus. I had spent time with God in prayer and His word. While He held my attention He reminded me of something I had let slip my mind. For example:

In reading Matthew 6:26, God reminds me He is faithful to sustain the birds of the air. So if He does that for the birds, He will more than do that for me. How can I believe this? Because I am much more valuable to God than the birds.

Additionally, there’s this word in Philippines 4:19, where God reminds me that He will provide all my needs according to His riches. And I can trust Him to keep His promises.

It’s only when I loose my focus of the above truth thoughts, can the fiery darts get past the threshold of my mind. As I am reminded from my book, “Above all, we must be especially alert against the beginnings of temptation, for the enemy is more easily conquered if he is refused admittance to the mind and is met beyond the threshold when he knocks.” FD’s 3rd edition, page 34

In conclusion, I have determined I must do two things: 1) be consistent in spending time with God daily in prayer and His word 2)Take to heart when God’s Spirit points out a truth to me. And by the way, live in the present. Allow God to take care of my future. Don’t allow worry to cloud up my days.

Bored and lonely at Christmas…

Dec16

Not the usual word paring linked with Christmas, I know! Yet, I find that these two fiery darts collaborate to invade my thoughts this Christmas. My best friend, who was my confidant and companion, passed away early last year. By God’s grace, accepting the reality of her passing has been accomplished. Yet without her presence the temptation to be undone by the boredom and loneliness I feel without her is a recurring struggle.

We all know life experiences can sow seeds of loneliness and boredom. Contrast that with the fullness and warmth of Christmas and the mix can be unbearable at times. Lessening the fullness of one and intensifying the pull of the other. While Christmas is undeniably magical, life doesn’t always contribute to that magic. But life refuses to change its pace, no matter what it has thrown at us, even at Christmas time.

Donning a fake holiday countenance as our seasonal apparel, won’t remove the lonely and/or bored emotions hidden underneath. For when we withdraw from the celebratory crowd, those disturbing emotions come out of hiding. Emotions, or shall I say fiery darts, programmed to derail the healing magic of the holidays, in particular Christ’s birth.

So how do we, as Christians, outmaneuver the enemy’s attacks? In my book, Fiery Darts, I emphasize again and again the primary method to counter these attacks. Immersing ourselves in God’s word and connecting with Him in prayer. By becoming knowledgeable of the mighty weapons found in God’s word, we can preempt Satan’s attacks. We also increase our sensitivity to hear God’s Holy Spirit guiding us in prayer.

We achieve this through such weapons as is mentioned in Ephesians 6:16, “…above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.”, and Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” And Psalm 91:2, reminds us “My refuge and my fortress; My God in whom I trust.” (and these are just a minuscule sampling of what’s available.)

But we need to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV” Calling upon God’s mighty weapons must be a daily discipline. For an unarmed Christian is easy prey for the enemy. During the Christmas season, there is an avalanche of emphasis on gift giving. It acts as a stealth weapon of the enemy. This emphasis causes us to become wrapped up in ourselves. A plethora of fiery darts including ones of boredom and loneliness will be used to devour us. To thwart the enemy’s plans, we must redirect our focus. Focusing instead on God’s mighty weapons revealed in His word.

The healing fruit within dreams…

Sep26

I was sitting on a bench in the Meadows (nearby public park) the other day and contemplating the extraordinary chain of events that have led me here. My way here originated years ago within a dream. For reasons, I’m still not completely sure of, Scotland was the place I dreamed of going. 

Flash forward to a cool summer porch sitting morning. I was giving an ear to my son’s plans to work on a master’s degree. At the mention of the University of Edinburgh as being a possible choice, my dream thoughts of traveling to Scotland sprang to attention. Well, as they say, the rest is history. 

So how does one explain the steps that lead to a dream coming true? Or all that a dream is designed for. Not sure I could do that. But what I do know is having the dream is the only contribution I made to its unfolding. The rest of the details were orchestrated by God. 

Psalm 37:23 speaks of a man’s ways being established by the LORD…

Additionally, Ecclesiastes 8:6, “For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man’s trouble is heavy upon him.”

These verses remind me that God’s timing is something we can count on and rest in. My fourth visit (yes I did say 4th) to Edinburgh occurred after a time of unexpected trouble and heartache. Last November and March my elderly mother and mother in law transitioned to their new homes in heaven. And while we were somewhat prepared, letting go of the woman who loved you like no other, is something that takes time to process. While I was in the throes of learning how to live without the security of my mother’s presence, I was delivered a crushing blow in the unexpected death of my best friend of 20 plus years. Her death, in May of this year, left me feeling unanchored. Now, I had no earthly person to spill my guts to and still feel loved and understood. While I did know comfort, as I recalled all the conversations we had about how wonderful heaven would be, neither of us suspected it would happen to one of us so soon. It was like my breath had been knocked out of me! 

I wandered from one emotion to another, feeling all the pain but having only limited relief. I couldn’t help but feel God’s timing was way off after my third loss within less than a year. I was tempted to fuss at God for removing the one person that He had faithfully used for years to get me back on my feet during the crisis of caretaking for elderly parents and their eventual deaths.

Then in late August, God set up the proper time, in the midst of my misery, to put time and space between me and my sorrows. Placing me in a historical city where at every turn I am reminded of the permanence and faithfulness of God’s provision. 

Therefore, even now, I know that I can rest and remain confident in His timing and that my ways have and will continue to be established by Him. Because it is the proper time for seeds hidden within the depths of a dream of years gone by, to bear their healing fruit.