It’s been almost 1 1/2 years since the death of my best friend, Joney. I moved through the stages of grief with the comfort and realization that as a Christian she had finally arrived in the home she was made for and longed for. Now she is experiencing the glories of heaven that words here on earth cannot describe.
And on the surface I appeared to be progressing, albeit slowly. While my life has and is moving on, it is disturbing to me that an undercurrent of sadness stubbornly lingers. Disturbing because I know this does not please God. I realized only just recently a likely explanation: Over-focusing on my loss.
It was as if God was saying to me, “Yes, I called Joney home and I’m aware of the profound loss you are feeling. But while you no longer have the comfort of her presence, I have not left you comfortless. I have replaced what you use to have with Joney with something new. You won’t be able to recognize it though, if you keep focusing on your loss. So lay aside what use to be. Be open to the new things I have planned for you:
Isaiah 43:19 “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
I am beyond grateful for the precious memories Joney and I shared, the support we were to one another, the iron upon iron that characterized our friendship. I know, though, I cannot linger there. There are new things awaiting me.
Fiery Darts: Satan's Weapon of Choice 
I am 72 come December. I have always been a bit of a wanderer all my life. I would get bored easily and I loved to see and even live in new places, each one more different than the last. I met all sorts along the way, had too many meaningless relationships, always looking to love in all the wrong places, but I did get my wish in many ways to be fancy free and not tied down. Living in the most scenic and popular vacation spots because I worked in the Hospitality segment and sought out employment arrangements that would provide living quarters, and even meals included. Worked in Yosemite, lived in a army type tent on a raised platform along the Merced River and with the flaps open my straight ahead full was of the famous Half Dome. Awesome and that first trek into frills included with employment started an addiction I never broke. Travel, new places, reinventing myself at whim. It was glorious, the places where always where the rich or at least the savers would go to vacation. I even made it overseas to just south of Frankfurt and down into Bavaria and Austria in “the land of the castles”. I can never regret most of the decisions and places, but now that “its” over and I am nearing my expiration date; I have ever lengthening bouts of loneliness and sadness because I find myself being a touch jealous of others who I see savoring long held friendships and a sprinkling of long and strong marriages and the resulting children. I made my decisions about the lifestyle of wanted, I enjoyed a huge portion of it, but there is a price to pay for not putting down roots. That is why I am forever grateful that I woke up from my vagabond ways in time to find that Jesus that I met way long ago in my mid teens and to repent and like the prodigal son , ask to be forgiven and to be so grateful that my request was given and on the days when the minions of the evil ones army are firing a ton of those fiery darts at me and urging me to have a pity party because I find myself alone most of the time and no energy to be a globe trotter anymore and just about when I think I might just give in a cry me a river, the Holy Spirit rains down instead of my tears and reminds me that I am never alone and that the most precious gift ever given is the gift of unconditional love, forgiveness of sins and the promise of eternal life to look forward to. I hardly ever miss a day now when my emotions try to pull me into a pity pit, but Praise the Holy Savior, the ONLY ONE that I am needing because His love is so encompassing, pure and strong, and that realization has come about as I’ve taken stock of my life choices and ask myself, will I ever get out of the “landmine field” of looking back and hashing over my life and knowing that I am actually exactly in the place I always wanted, no strings, no obligations, and a ton of memories and the most wonderful and unconditional love I spent all those years chasing, I have my King, my Savior, my Advocate, my Physican,my protector Jesus the Holy Spirit. I have even seemed to have escaped grieving for friends as my lifestyle never really allowed much room for deep friendships that I might have spent time grieving the loss of at some point. I have Jesus and I remind myself everyday that he allowed me to spread my wings, live the way I wanted for years, and then He was there waiting for me to approach HIM and reconnect . Oh what a wonderful Savior!
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