As I write this blog post, I am in Edinburgh having accompanied my son and his family when they moved here so my son could work on a doctorate at the university. My plan is to hang around to help in any way that I can, then after my stay is completed I will make my solo journey home. (Not looking forward to that!!)

Being a genuine help, especially to my children, is a strong motivator for me. Yet, I struggle with fear that at 75 years of age, I will become limited as to how much help I will continue to be. Every increased ache or pain is taken advantage of by my flesh (that part of me that isn’t willing to be obedient to God’s Spirit in me), tempting me with doubts that I won’t be able to make but this one trip. My son will likely live here four or five years with his wife and two sons. Therefore my desire is to visit them once each year. But my flesh is stubbornly consistent in casting doubts and reeling in the thought that my desires won’t be fulfilled.

I battle constantly it seems with thoughts that my health will play out and prevent me from being the source of help and support I desire to be. When normal movement produces a sudden pain and/or discomfort , my thoughts become cloaked with negativity. Thoughts like, “You won’t last. What if you have to go to a doctor? You will become an inconvenience, not a source of help. That will mess up everything for them and for you.”

This is where my time of testing comes into full play. God has pointed out sources from His word where I can go to steady my thoughts and gain the perspective I need to assist me in recognizing the source of these doubts. The determination to reject them. And the insight to apply the powerful wisdom of these verses to defeat them. For instance: 

Psalm 34:4, ” I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (especially concerning the future of my health) 

God reminded me that my fears are nothing but fiery darts. My fears did not originate with Him. It was not His voice I was hearing. How did I know this? Because Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” 

Besides, Jeremiah 29:11 promises me this, “For I know the plans I have for you says the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a future and a hope.”

I can defeat the enemy by wielding the weapons God has assigned to me, or the enemy can defeat me by keeping me ignorant of such weapons.