Tag Archive | negative thoughts

Depression – My Story

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   My first bout with depression lasted for 2 years and occurred after I gave birth to my first child (43 years ago). I survived it but that’s all.  Having a little one who depended 24/7 on my ability to care for her, prioritized my daily routine. Then two years and 4 months later my 2nd daughter was born. Now the well being of two precious little girls depended on my getting it together. After two more children, a daughter and a son, life demanded that I focus on the needs of my 4 children. However, the darkness of depression continued to stalk me.

   During a retreat I attended only recently, I listened as a young mother described her bout with depression. Eventually, she was diagnosed with post partum depression (suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue).

   I’m pretty sure that my initial years of depression was an undiagnosed case of post partum.   During those first two years, I established a pattern of destructive thinking. My times spent in Scripture were consistent but brief (3 to 5 min). Any help I might have gained from them to combat such thoughts was drowned out by the lies swarming within my brain.  My thoughts were ruled by those lies. I remember during those dark days my prayers became nothing more than, “God hold on to me.” I had a sense that those negative thoughts were lies but my weakened spiritual state was no match for their dark power.

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   Several years ago I reached a turning point when God prompted me to take notice of the thoughts that were so troublesome to me. This prompting resulted in increasing my time spent in prayer and bible study. As my knowledge of God’s Truth increased, the lies within those fiery darts were exposed. Eventually, I began to break free of the chains that for years had held me in bondage.

    While I continue to battle fiery dart thinking, it no longer rules my thoughts. My thoughts are becoming saturated with God’s Word. Through prayer and bible study, I am learning to recognize & extinguish the lies of fiery darts.  Remember, depression stems from the lies of fiery darts.  But depression cannot take root in the soil of God’s Truth.

  In looking back on my journey, I have often pondered why it took so many years for me to reach the path that led me out of the darkness of my negative thinking. . .Therefore, my hope is that by sharing the lessons I learned, your journey out of the darkness will not be nearly as lengthy as mine. p 14-15, FD 3rd edition

The benefits of a valley experience!

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   If you’ve noticed you haven’t heard from me in awhile, you would be correct. It seems I am, and have been for quite some time, in a valley. A valley that just stretches out before me with no exits or mountain tops in sight.

   Being the author of a book about negative thinking, I have a working knowledge of how to fight the negative thoughts (my constant companions in this valley). Therefore, I know that God’s Truth thoughts are the key to finding my way out. And for brief periods of time, those Truth thoughts lit up a possible exit. But alas, it was only short lived.

   At this point, I still find myself in the valley. And I don’t have much hope of  leaving this place any time soon. So, what should I do? 

   May I insert here that while I am living in the valley at the moment, it is NOT a dark valley. God’s Truth thoughts which I focus on prevent such darkness. It is not a valley without hope of finding a way out. While the negative thoughts of despair, discouragement, and thoughts of giving up do tempt me, they do not rule my thinking. They do not prevail! 

   Also, I find that in this valley, I am tempted with thoughts of self-condemnation. This judgmental attitude towards myself and others (especially those I have complaints against) keep my vision clouded. And yes, I am weary of the fight against feeling sad, disheartened, and discouraged.

So what’s the answer here?

   Giving into these fiery darts will only plant me permanently in this desolate valley. I DO NOT DESIRE THAT! Nor does God! 

   Here’s a thought! Why not just accept this valley time? I ask myself, “Why on earth would I do that?” To which I believe God gave me this reply:

Isaiah 48:17, This is what the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy one of Israel says, I am Yahweh your God, who teaches you for your benefit who leads you in the way you should go.

   If I cooperate with the LORD, and instead of asking Him to lift me out of this valley (because really, it’s unpleasant and I don’t like being here), then my time in this valley will produce benefits for me.

   So! I should quite spinning my wheels trying to escape this valley I’m stuck in! Instead, I should turn my energies towards cooperating with God in order to learn the lessons He has for me here. Keeping in mind that it is for my benefit.

To Which I reply!

“Okay, not the answer I was striving for! My flesh would much rather You would just lift me out of this valley. Make things easier, you know! But I recognize those fiery darts for what they are. There’s only one way out. That’s Your way, not my way!”

 

You can break free of strongholds

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 Recently, in the midst of a joyous time of my life (externally), I have been plagued by an onslaught of negative thinking. Odd though it may be that I would be attacked like this when my days were filled with happy events, considering my bent I’m not surprised. For there was a time (starting in my mid twenties and intensifying as the years passed) when negative thinking and God’s Truths waged a battle royal and too often negative thinking won out.

   Over the years this negative thinking on my part forged a stronghold that continuously threatened the spiritual renewal that had taken place in the early years of my adulthood.  Afterwords as life began to happen, I struggled with maintaining a consistency in my bible study and prayer life. Predictably, the spiritual renewal that was burning within me instead of increasing in strength began to dwindle, leaving me vulnerable to negative thinking. Thus bit by bit, negative thoughts laid the groundwork for a stronghold that could have ruined my life had not I cried out to God for His rescue. Psalm 18:6  God indeed rescued me and enabled me to survive those dark days, but it was only since learning about the enemy’s tactics in the use of  fiery darts that I began to make sense out of the whole mess.

   This was the stronghold that God addressed when He began exposing the enemy’s tactics that had held me captive for too many years. As dominant as this stronghold was in my life, I now realize I must be diligent in my prayers and bible study (nothing else can substitute). I know my vulnerability and to the degree I stay diligent in these two disciplines, the power this stronghold has over me can be overthrown.

   So in the midst of this recent attempted attack by the enemy, God faithfully guided me towards the following words from Jesus Calling:

Although My Presence is a guaranteed promise, that does not necessarily change your feelings… It is through awareness of My Presence that Peace displaces negative feelings.

   As I read the above words, it clarified for me how it was that I could harbor such internal negative feelings while in the happy throws of a long awaited family celebration. As long as I was more focused on negative thoughts, my negative feelings would not be displaced, no matter what was going on externally.

    So when the enemy tempts me with fiery dart thinking, I have learned that to know Peace I must make a deliberate choice to turn my focus toward God and His presence. It’s been my experience that’s the only sure way to break free of the enemy’s stronghold. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

 

Who’s Messing With Your Self Worth?

The Cognitive Triangle

The Cognitive Triangle

First we entertain a thought. That thought will cause certain related feelings. Thus, behavior is based on our thoughts and feelings.  p.16, FD

     Several years ago and over a two year period of time, I suffered from a serious bout of depression. I remember battling suicidal thoughts and deep sadness to the point that my prayers became a desperate cry for God to hold on to me because I had no strength left to hold on to Him.  I survived that dark time in my life but that’s about it. It wouldn’t be until several years later as God initiated my training in fiery dart recognition that I would be able to recognize the bondage that defined my existence during those two years. 

Here’s what happened to me and I see this same overused but deadly effective tactic of Satan’s still being used today!

     Refer to the diagram above. In my case I was a people pleaser. If I felt significant people in my life approved of me, then life was good and I felt good about myself. On the other hand, if there was strife or conflict in these relationships life was not good and I became convinced I had little reason to feel good about myself. Self approval you see was strongly connected to what others thought of me. (Or what I thought they thought!)

Do you see the pattern?

     First this negative thought (fiery dart remember) would plant itself into my head producing some very negative feelings or emotions. Never mind that these negative thoughts had no basis in Truth! The poison of these fiery darts seeped into my thinking producing destructive attitudes and behavior. 

     The purpose of these fiery darts, you see, was to diminish any sense of self worth that I might still possess. I was an easy target because it was way too important for me to have the good opinion of those significant people in my life. As relationships with these people deteriorated, so did my self worth.

I wonder if I have touched a nerve? 

     Are you sad seemingly all the time? Are you convinced you don’t measure up and that significant persons in your life don’t approve of you? Does the dangerous thought that your family would be better off without you ever sneak into your mind? Please hold on, for I have glorious news for you in my next post. In the meantime hold on to the following verse,

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Sin is greater than Grace?

Yesterday, a young lady sang a song (who has by the way a voice gifted by God. a natural innocently beautiful voice) during our morning worship service entitled:

Grace will always be greater than sin!

This special music performed by this young lady (who was masterfully accompanied by our choir) reminded us that grace always wins out over sin.  So does Romans 5:20,

 Romans 5:20, “Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.”

But I’m sure you have noticed a discrepancy in the title of my post and the title of the song! Well, this is a blog that deals with fiery darts so hang in there with me while I elucidate! (Okay, I could have said ‘explain’ but where’s the fun in that!)

As my young friend sang her heart out, my mind began pondering the duel between grace and sin in my own life.  My mind turns against me often in self-condemning thoughts (or should I say fiery darts!) And even though I believe that Grace is always greater than sin, sometimes my mind’s thoughts reveal the opposite–that sin is greater than grace!  That’s the fault of my focus.

Now let me clarify something here.

Yes, I wrestle with self-condemning thoughts BUT they do not rule me because I do not focus on them.  A deliberate effort has to be made to focus on Christ instead. Since my Heavenly Father unveiled the Enemy’s plan of attack in the use of fiery darts, I’ve grown in my skill to focus on Christ.

Once Satan’s intentions were exposed and the tactics he was so skillfully using to produce such defeat in my life were revealed, then my instruction on how to counter these attacks began in earnest.  p.3, Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice.

You see, my dear readers, those negative thoughts, fiery darts, or self-condemning thoughts use to send me spiraling downward.  And excerpt from p. 15 of my book illustrates this.

What we think determines how we feel and what we feel influences our actions.  A negative action is often the result of negative thinking.  Understandably, if Satan can negatively influence our thinking then temptations to act negatively will be harder for us to resist. 

My plan is to apply what I have recently learned (yep, you keep learning as long as you are alive, right?) from the verse Philippines 4:8:

Finally, brothers and sisters whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such thing.

Since negative thoughts pop into my mind so speedily (I mean they are usually the first to arrive), I have learned that the most practical means of slamming the door in their faces is to create an uncomfortable greeting for them the moment they arrive.  That’s where Philippines 4:8 comes in.  For I am learning that if I fill my head with the kind of thoughts this verse refers to, then the self-condemning thoughts don’t really want to hang around.

Philippines 4:8 leads to the next step in fighting fiery darts which is taken from p. 79 in my book.

Afterword

Here are five simple steps to keep in mind when you are faced with a fiery dart:

 1.   Examine the negative thought.

 2.   Ask yourself this question:  What is the purpose of this thought?

 3.  Acknowledge it as a fiery dart, if the purpose is to pull you down in any way.  Then, personalize this prayer based on Isaiah 54:17, “May this weapon formed against me not prevail.” (Keep in mind that conviction brings restoration, a fiery dart brings condemnation.)

 4.  Search your concordance for a Scripture that addresses that issue, after determining the TRUTH you need to combat the lie of the fiery dart.

 5.  Call upon the TRUTH of the Scripture from Step 4, every time you are tempted with the fiery dart.  

Now I’ve come full circle.

Focusing on the fiery darts, (self-condemning or negative thoughts) more than you do on on the TRUTHS that contradict those thoughts is a sin and will result in stealing your joy. (We are thinking thoughts that attribute more power to sin than grace; so be careful here.)

Focusing on God’s TRUTHS instead will fill your mind with hopeful thoughts.  Knowing that His grace is always sufficient and is always greater than our sins, pulls us out of the mire those fiery darts have condemned us to, and the light of God’s grace fills us with hope.

Here’s the wrap up!

Some happy thoughts that I’m focusing on at present  (Philip. 4:8, remember) is that God does not ignore my needs,

Philip. 4:19, He supplies ALL of them

and that He doesn’t condemn me

Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

Romans 8:28, AND that all things work together for my good, 

AND (drum roll…….)

His Grace is ALWAYS greater than sin!

Fiery Darts? Oh I know what that is!

FYI I have recently returned from a 2 1/2 months stay in the land of Uganda in order to visit with my son, daughter-in-law, and brand-new grandson.  And while I went there on a grandmother’s mission, God added an aspect to my mission that was quite unexpected.

I won’t go into any details here about the alterations God made in my trip but I invite you to read about that in my other blog:

http://missionarysmom.wordpress.com

I mention my trip because of the insight God gave me due to my experiences there into what He continues to teach me about fiery darts.

* * * *

First of all, I’d like to address something that became apparent to me during my stay in Uganda.  I am concerned that the term ‘fiery darts’ is a term perhaps overly familiar to Christians.  Why would that cause me concern?

If you are overly familiar with something, you tend to take it for granted.  Right?  So in applying this thought to the term fiery darts, it is becoming apparent to me that when I bring up fiery darts in a conversation most people (esp. Christians) assume that they know  what I’m talking about.  And I believe they do too; just not as much as they think they do.

It took an in-depth study and lots of years of personal experience for me to be able to identify the fiery darts that were plaguing my mind.  Then after God introduced me to what fiery darts were (and who was responsible for wielding this weapon against me), He began teaching me as to how I could counter their attacks.

From all of that came the book:

Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice

Once you start reading the book or even just glancing over the table of contents, you’ll discover that there’s so much more to know about fiery darts than just being able to define them.

I encounter Christians who are unknowingly being victimized by fiery darts. While they might  even acknowledge a negative thought as a fiery dart, they are unskilled when it comes to preventing these fiery darts from defining attitudes and/or actions. Or worse yet, they aren’t able to recognize the fiery darts that’s victimizing them!

So what am I trying to say here?

What these Christians need to do is to educate themselves about this term they are so-o-o familiar with, because defining the term ‘fiery darts’ is just the tip of the iceberg.  Obviously, getting your hands on my book (or even rereading with the intent of studying it if you already have one) is something I strongly suggest.  The benefit of studying my book is that I have gone through the trials that taught me how to recognize and fight fiery darts.  You can benefit from the lessons I learned in those trials by making my book an object of your personal study. (You can’t imagine how much better that will be for you!)

Or do an in-depth study of your own on this subject.  Whatever you do find out all that you can to thwart the attacks of fiery darts.

In my next post, I’d like to share with my readers a little jewel God gave me while in Africa which added to my own arsenal to counter the attack of fiery darts.

How to get my book

All you have to do is to google the title of my book:  Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice  to locate my book online.  And for you e-readers it’s available on Kindle!

Or type in the following website:  http://newbookpublishing.com     to order a book from them. (they have it on Kindle as well)

And for those of you who live in my area, you can get a book from me personally.  Contact me at     janetwarrenlane@gmail.com   for details as to cost.

More on saying goodbye!

Here’s another thought God gave me in my time with Him this morning!

Why is it that we as parents of grown children struggle so with the fiery darts of loneliness and depression when our children and grandchildren (especially those who live a long ways from us) depart after a visit?  I have some thoughts regarding that!

For me, my struggles with these two fiery darts are dramatically diminished as long as I bring the power of Scripture to bear upon them.  Yesterday, God helped me to understand the impact of focusing on His blessings in keeping the temptations of loneliness and depression at bay.  And I am here to tell you, “It works!”

In addition, God gave me another thought this morning that I feel I must share with you.

Part of our problem is that we struggle to accept reality.  The reality is that children grow up and often move away from their parent’s home, town, (and sometimes even country)!  That’s normal, that’s as it should be.  But we think we would be happier if they lived closer and mourn the fact that they don’t!  As long as we think on these little ‘t’ truths, we open the door of our minds to an onslaught of fiery darts.  The results of that?  Read on!

We will become more and more self absorbed!

Our notice of families who live close to each other will be intensified and we will begin to envy them and feel sorry for ourselves.

The distance between ourselves and God will continue to expand.

Our time with God will diminish and become less fruitful.

Mentally and emotionally we will be bummed out, and that will begin to take a toll on us physically!

IT’S A DOWNWARD SPIRAL!

I know that the fiery darts will always nag at my mind!  Such as: I’m getting too old to become adventurous.  How do I know my health won’t play out?  Physically I just can’t manage as much as I use to.  I’m running out of time; it’s just too late to attempt new things.

If I allow myself to think like that then that abundant and prosperous life God has for me in John 10:10b and Jeremiah 29:11 will indeed pass me by.

So perhaps now you understand why it is vital to be deliberate about our thinking!  God has given us some excellent advice in Philippians 4:8 about how we should be directing our thoughts:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. (NIV)

And the results of this kind of thinking?

We will begin to realize we have more time to spend with God! (The benefits of that cannot be measured!)

We will become less self absorbed! (Our world won’t be so centered on us!)

Our health will improve b/c we are in a healthier mental and emotional state!

We will begin to enjoy the freedom to pursue things we wouldn’t consider or afford as long as we had the responsibility of caring for our children. (I took a flying lesson recently!)

We begin to respond normally to those difficult goodbye’s.  Sad, of course, b/c we miss them and b/c we enjoy having them around, and we love making those memories with them, but we soon get back on our feet and move on to enjoy the life and benefits of the empty nest God has ordained for us.  Because as God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

and John 10:10b,

 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.(NIV)