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The Fiery Darts of Parenting Series – Negative Teasing!

Sep8

Because my book only contains two areas of application (marriage and adolescence) where fiery darts are concerned, I am being impressed to include a series of posts having to do with the application of how to fight the fiery darts encountered in parenting!  Up until now, the theme of my blogs have been a bit random.  Well, maybe not a bit but a whole lot random.  It was suggested to me way back when I began blogging to do something like I am now attempting, but it just never happened.  So, here goes people.  As always, I welcome and appreciate your feedback.

NEGATIVE TEASING!

Oh, mom, I was only teasing!  You know I don’t really mean that!  Lighten up, we were only having fun.  

Are you kidding me? !  Since when has it been okay to put someone down or say all manner of false things about them as long as you say it in a kidding way?  Since our day, that’s when.  And may I be more specific here–since our kids (and us adults) have been exposed to a steady diet of negative teasing disguised as humor on almost any sitcom you care to watch.  TV and movies are masters (and I emphasize the word, ‘masters’) at this type of negative humor and the power of their influence can be seen and felt whenever a group of people are hanging out together. (It makes me sad to write that!) 

Given the fallen nature of man, we shouldn’t be surprised that we have succumbed to thinking that humor is a lot more funny if the words we use are negative!  And while I’m not surprised that people who reject Christ and His teachings have embraced this type of humor, it bothers me DEEPLY that Christians have bought into this LIE! (I’m just calling it like I see it folks)  Actually, it’s one of the most popular and successful fiery darts in use today! Um!

I was disturbed about this when my own children were small.  So much so that I became very selective about what they watched on tv and videos (no dvd’s back then) and I limited their amount of exposure to both.  That’s when the family rule, NO NEGATIVE TEASING, came to be established.

Here’s an example of it’s early beginnings.  When anger is being expressed, it’s only natural to verbally express that anger.  Right?  And you can’t use just any words!  It has to be words that pack a punch!  So, whenever my children expressed anger in the midst of some conflict they were having with each other, out would come those words that had been sitting there in their minds just waiting for the opportunity to be released!  It would be at times such as these that they would hear me say something like the following:

  “Your sister (or brother) has a perfectly good name.  You will use that name when addressing each other.”

My children figured out that they could get away with using hurtful or negative words as long as they cloaked it in humor.  (Do you suppose the idea originated with Mary Poppins?  You know, “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down! There goes that fallen nature again, taking a good idea and perverting it!)

Well, just like Barney Fife, I nipped that negative teasing in the bud!  Whenever, I heard negative teasing disrupting the peace of our home, I countered with what became a very familiar phrase around our house,

“That’s negative teasing!”

It worked pretty good, I’m pleased to say.  And you can be sure that as my children grew older and wiser, they wouldn’t hesitate to call their father or I down when they heard either one of us violate the family rule!  (Parent’s struggle with that ole fallen nature too, you know! Not an excuse; just stating a fact:(  My children held my feet to the fire on that WHENEVER they had the opportunity.  (Don’t you just love the accountability factor that can prevail in a family!)

Actually, it’s all about making memories (which I’ll cover in another post).  I was keenly aware that my children would be making all sorts of memories as they grew up in our home.  I was determined and deliberate that most of those memories would be positive.  Therefore, negative teasing had no place in our home.  And apparently, God agreed!  Note the following verse:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Taking this verse to heart then we will examine the words that are coming out of our mouths either in anger or in jest and if those words don’t build up those who are listening to us according to their needs, then we need to zip it! And keep it zipped until we have determined what our hearers need to hear and thereafter, fashion our words accordingly.  Good idea?

 

Just something from my heart!

Jun27

  “And it came about when all our enemies heard of it, (that the wall was completed in 52 days) and all the nations surrounding us saw it, they lost their confidence; for they recognized that this work had been accomplished with the help of our God.”  Nehemiah 6:16

Ever read the account from Nehemiah about the rebuilding of the wall?

 “The book of Nehemiah is an account of the returning exiles from Babylonia–the third and last, and the one in which the wall was rebuilt.  Nehemiah, the governor, had the responsibility of coordinating the rebuilding of the wall surrounding Jerusalem.  The work was going well in spite of much opposition through slander and treachery.  Though the enemies were relentless, they did not take into account Nehemiah’s strong reliance upon God, and each of the schemes was met with failure.  Nehemiah set a dramatic example for all to follow in successfully fighting against the onslaught of fiery darts.” Excerpt from Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice, p. 7

Has God ever called you to a task that seemed beyond your strength to accomplish?  Nevertheless, you armed yourself with God’s promise and you accepted the equipment He furnished you with to get the job done.  Armed with the confidence of God’s promises and faith in God’s Word you then set about climbing this seemingly insurmountable mountain!

Then a ways into the work, your strength began to wane.  Your helpers who so enthusiastically supported your leadership in the beginning became disgruntled.  The work wasn’t going fast enough.  It was taking too long.  The ranks became disunited and began to question the wisdom of continuing along the path that had been laid out before them.  It didn’t seem to be working anymore.

Read the following, if the above has ever happened to you.

Thus in Judah it was said, “The strength of the burden bearers is failing. Yet there is much rubbish; And we ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall.”  And our enemies said, “They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them, and put a stop to the work.”  Nehemiah 4:10-11

The fiery darts are obvious aren’t they.  The enemy is subtle and deceptive.  He sneaks in among God’s people and sows discontent, disunity, causes them to loose their focus, creates doubt, disheartens the people involved;  oh you name it and the enemy does it.  He’ll do anything and everything to stop God’s work!

But you know what, Nehemiah was wise to the enemy’s tactics!  And because Nehemiah didn’t loose his focus, listened ONLY to God, and feared no man, he could not easily be deceived.  Nehemiah was obedient to what God called him to do and shut out the fiery darts (which I might add, were often coming from his own people; the people he was leading) and after more fiery darts than any of us could imagine,

THAT WALL GOT BUILT AND EVERYONE RECOGNIZED THAT THE WORK HAD BEEN ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE HELP OF GOD!

 Hallelujah, for God’s team.  Now that’s the team I want to be on when the chips are down, when plans are crumbling all around me.  Sure, that’s not very comfortable or desirable BUT if you hang on during those tough times and determine to be an instrument for God to accomplish His plan, your faith will spark other’s faith and you can lead the fray back to the path they wandered from.  You want to know how?

Then read another excerpt from my book:

Giving into such a temptation is all the more likely if we are not grounded in God Word and if we aren’t strong enough in our trust of God’s provision and protection.  We become susceptible to the lies used against us, thus increasing the possibility of succumbing to the temptation of giving up on what God has called us to do. (p. 10)

The Enemy’s plan had not changed–to stop the work.  Nehemiah’s assignment had not changed either–to rebuild the wall.  He had his mandate and he would be faithful to follow through.  (p. 10)

Because Nehemiah was so close to God, he recognized anything that did not appear to be of God.  Therefore, the lesson we must grasp is that closeness to God is vital to our understanding in what the Enemy is up to and how to respond.  Satan will not only use our own thinking to deceive us, but will attempt to use others to foster that deception.  Therefore, our closeness to God will be our greatest protection.  By delving into Scripture for a word from God, the Enemy’s plan will be exposed and we will have the ammunition to counter attack. (p. 11-12)

So that’s how you do it my dear readers.  That’s how you shoot down the fiery darts.  Just following Nehemiah’s example.  Now I suggest you get out your Bible and start absorbing Nehemiah chapters 1-6.  There’s a lot of good stuff in there about how to defeat the enemy and avoid allowing yourself to be manipulated by him.

BUT REMEMBER:

Satan wants to keep you from reading this account in Nehemiah, so don’t be surprised when those fiery darts tell you, “Oh you’re familiar enough with those chapters so you don’t really need to read them.”

Satan desires to keep you from praying and seeking God’s will. So again, don’t be surprised when those fiery darts try to convince you that any discord you are sowing is justified and your ways seem right to you.

 Prov. 14:12, “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”

(Just saying’)

 Oh, here’s a final word to remember:

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. James 3:16-17

It’s Complicated…….NOT! or Three Simple Steps to Successfully Fight Fiery Darts!

May15

Recently, a young friend shared with me her experience in defeating an attack of fiery darts. I was so intrigued with the simple yet powerful process that led to her victory, that I thought I would share it with you here.

First, she had been praying (Major component of any encounter) about a job change.  It seemed to her that God had been leading in a particular direction which she pursued.  Then everything fell through and she didn’t get the job.  Of course, she was confused and upset, for this was the job she’d been hoping for.

Initially, her emotions were defined by her severe disappointment.  However, soon the Holy Spirit sent her the following verse b/c remember she had been praying:

“Trust in the LORD, with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” Prov. 3:5-6

Therefore, she cried out to the LORD, “LORD, I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do, but I’m trusting in You.”  She just kept praying that prayer over and over.  Then she had the thought that she would email every organization she had been following and ask for their advice on how to get into the field without the benefit of experience in the area.  (I believe, that b/c her mind wasn’t awash with despair & confusion, her thoughts were free to be guided by the hope of God’s Word.)

The response was immediate from several organizations, offering advice.  But when a local organization contacted her and said they would be hiring soon and she should send them her resume, all my friend’s confusion vaporized.  For she had been following this particular organization for awhile and quietly yearned to be a part of it.

At this writing, the results are not in about whether my friend got this job, but I wanted to share this now b/c the main victory’s already been won.  In this life experience my friend has given us a clear example of how to fight successfully those fiery dart attacks. ( I’ll get back to you and the job thing)  In the meantime, allow me to review:

1.  Acknowledge the fiery dart

2.  Find a verse to focus on

3. Allow prayer and God’s Word to define your attitude and/or actions

I think it’s important to understand that the fiery dart my friend encountered was designed to create frustration, disappointment, and to dishearten her to the point that her attitudes and actions would have be set in a downward spiral.  Yet, she broke this destructive and predictable cycle by simply turning to God and saturating her mind with a word from Him then allowed that fresh hope to define her actions from that point on.

But watch out!  Satan will attempt to convince you that this process is not nearly as simple as all this.  You know, the all too familiar catch phrase used these days when people have succumbed to overwhelming attack of fiery darts and have no clear understanding of what God would have them do (largely b/c they are not familiar with this whole fiery dart thing):

“It’s complicated!”

(Don’t be bamboozled! Remember! that’s a fiery dart!)