It’s been almost 1 1/2 years since the death of my best friend, Joney. I moved through the stages of grief with the comfort and realization that as a Christian she had finally arrived in the home she was made for and longed for. Now she is experiencing the glories of heaven that words here on earth cannot describe.
And on the surface I appeared to be progressing, albeit slowly. While my life has and is moving on, it is disturbing to me that an undercurrent of sadness stubbornly lingers. Disturbing because I know this does not please God. I realized only just recently a likely explanation: Over-focusing on my loss.
It was as if God was saying to me, “Yes, I called Joney home and I’m aware of the profound loss you are feeling. But while you no longer have the comfort of her presence, I have not left you comfortless. I have replaced what you use to have with Joney with something new. You won’t be able to recognize it though, if you keep focusing on your loss. So lay aside what use to be. Be open to the new things I have planned for you:
Isaiah 43:19 “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
I am beyond grateful for the precious memories Joney and I shared, the support we were to one another, the iron upon iron that characterized our friendship. I know, though, I cannot linger there. There are new things awaiting me.
An arsenal is a place where arms and ammunition (weapons) are stored.
You might be wondering where I am going with this but as Christians the sooner we make the connection that we are at war the better. I fear that far too many of us have become so distracted by the enemy that we aren’t even aware of the battle that is waging all around us. We are hanging out on the periphery of the battlefield with blinders on. Our attention is drawn only to our immediate surroundings. We have little awareness of the area of combat just beyond our vision.
First and foremost, we must understand the weapons of our arsenal are of a spiritual nature. Allow me to illustrate. Last year, my best friend of over three decades, passed away after a bout with cancer. In spite of the fact that I KNEW she was in the presence of God, I was devastated. We were kindred spirits. Our friendship was of an iron sharpening iron type. Without her presence and counsel, I sort of lost my direction. A dark cloud settled over me and followed me wherever I wandered. Which as it turned out, was often no further than my front porch.
Now, imagine with me the fiery darts of the enemy during these dark days. The voice in my head persisted in focusing on my loss. My only relief came when I was able to communicate and/or spend time with my children or grandchildren. Since they live quite a distance from me, our communication was minimal. And while my husband was sympathetic, it was beyond him to truly understand my heartache. No one was able to counsel me with the depth of understanding that could enable me to move on, to pick up my life again, and to find my new normal. Except for God!
As I cried out to God, here are some of the weapons He taught me to use:
The above is just a sampling of the weapons with which God supplied me to ward off the enemy’s assault. They were the weapons of my arsenal. These were the truths on which God desired for me to focus. I knew about them due to a consistent search of God’s word. So when the fiery darts were hurled towards me, it was these truths and many more from the Scriptures that extinguished them. My weapons were of a spiritual nature. The world’s advice offered no lasting solutions.
We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. (2 Corinthians 10:4 NLT)
Never forget the world’s weaponry creates strongholds by manipulating our ability to reason. By not being familiar with God’s mighty weapons we won’t recognize destructive falsehoods. Lies morph into truth and Truth morphs into lies. It is only by being cognizant of God’s Truth will we be able to counter the enemy’s assaults.
What are the consequences of failing to recognize the weapons of our arsenal? Read the following:
Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 1 Corinthians 3:1-3
If we never grow past the stage of infant food, we simply won’t have the strength or wisdom to understand or follow the path God has set for us. That means we won’t know the joy that passes all understanding even in the midst of trials. We will be fooled into thinking thoughts that deny the power of God’s word. All because we failed to build up the arsenal God provided us, when we became His own.
Last November my mother took up residence in heaven. The following March my mother in law did the same. My husband and I were their main caretakers. I was able to care for my mom while she lived in her own home, as her was next door to mine. My mother-in-law moved in with us two years before she passed. And in the fall of last year my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. From then until May I watched her slowly decline. Never understanding that she was dying and would not experience the hoped for recovery. I felt myself bending under the weight of sadness. Too much to deal with in just a matter of a few months.
It is now August, and time continues the ongoing work of healing. While waves of sadness still reach the shores of my thoughts, they have diminished in size. No longer threatening to overwhelm but a gentle reminder that in my loss I have the comfort of knowing they now reside in heaven.
Yet after receiving a gut punch in the loss of my best friend, on the heals of the loss of my mother and mother-in-law, I have to say I have had more downs than ups. Due largely to not being able to fully recover from one loss before another one hit. This summer has been spent searching for words from God that would serve as an anchor to secure me in the midst of the storms I was facing
But in God’s timing, next week all ten of my grandchildren, plus most of my children and children in laws will converge upon my home for what has come to be called “Nammy Camp.” Looking forward to and planning for this annual event has provided the much needed impetus I have needed in order to move forward in hope without retreating into my sadness. That is God’s way, after all.
Next week I’m looking forward to a major ‘reset.’ Days of a variety of distractions and redirected trains of thought. A reset that will redefine the perspective God would have me take regarding this next bend in my life.
It’s been a few weeks now and while I’m still mourning the loss of my best friend, I do believe I have reached a turning point. The counsel of God, instructed me, early on, to take my time in grieving. And how long that time needed to be was up to me. So, I’m taking my time. Moving through as the light is given.
I spent time praying and seeking God’s counsel in His word. I’ve also leaned into writings of Christian writers that pointed me back to Christ. Such as C S Lewis and the website I referred to in an earlier post. I was prompted to cry out to God, like so many writers of Psalms did. For there was much I could not understand. I had questions, that had no answers. But I verbalized them to God, nevertheless. He was the only one who would allow me to unload without it threatening our relationship.
But eventually, baby step by baby step, God is leading me out of my sorrowful darkness. While the pain may still be a dull ache that won’t go away, it is not as overwhelming as before. And while I may still have unanswered questions, I’m learning to not allow them to steal my focus. My moving forward will be impaired if I dwell on issues that are not in my realm to answer.
My best friend, who I was looking to several more years of camaraderie with, has passed away. Her death causes me to be reflective. Our friendship was of the rarest kind. It was not of this world, for it was based, grounded, and gifted by God. We had one of those iron sharpening iron unions. When God needed to make a point with us, He often would give it to the one to share with the other. I told her often, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Well, now I’m having to find that out.
What am I finding out? I’m finding out death and change are companion forces. Death demands change. I’m finding out this harsh change can be used in one of two ways. It can produce a resolve to willingly reflect upon the changes I need to face up to in my own life or it can be used to create a numbness to the need for change in my life.
My best friend’s death has thrust me onto an undesirable path. A path without her companionship. Many of those she loved are finding themselves on a similar path. One without her countless physical acts of loving care. A path without the benefit of her voice reminding them of God’s love and calling on their lives.
May we allow the memory of the words God spoken to us during her time with us to produce the changes that remain to be made in our lives. May we allow God’s pure voice to rise above all the cacophony of voices pulling us to focus only on ourselves. Voices that would cloud our memories of the truths she shared with us.
Fiery Darts: Satan's Weapon of Choice 