It’s a matter of perspective…

Sep5

By applying the truths from God’s word I mentioned in my previous post, Ignorance is not Bliss, the enemy’s efforts to steal my joy can be thwarted. So this post will be written from the point of view of one who applied those truths and claimed and is claiming the victory.

As each day unfolds, I choose my perspective. I can choose to be self-centered and limit my view to only those thoughts that reflect what concerns me. Or I can choose to broaden my point of view and ponder thoughts that reflect the wonder of God.

The fact that I am even here in Edinburgh is a miraculous gift from God. When my children were small I wrestled (yes wrestled) with God about surrendering my children to His will for their lives. Reason being I was afraid He would call them to go to far away places and I wouldn’t know the joy of living life within proximity of one another. So I asked God that if His plans for them would require the sacrifice I dreaded, would He please make it possible for me to visit them as often as I needed to.

I have four children and only my firstborn lives close enough to share in the living of life with them. My second born lives in New Jersey, my third born lives in Texas, and now my fourth born is living in Scotland. Yet God has been faithful and while I have not always gotten to visit my children who live far away whenever I wanted to, I have certainly been blessed to visit them whenever I needed to.

It’s a matter of not only choosing to surrender my children to God but of also choosing to surrender my will to God. And I believe because I made (and continue to make) that choice (although at times, it’s like I mentioned before. a real struggle) God has the freedom to fulfill my request to be able to visit them.

Yes, there is much in their lives and my grandchildren’s lives that their distant addresses have deemed I miss out on. But it’s once again a matter of perspective. In light of eternity what really matters here on earth? That I missed out on so much of my grandchildren’s growing up years, or that each one has made a decision to follow Christ?

Matthew 10:39

1 John 2:17

John 6:27

Ignorance is not bliss!

Aug31

As I write this blog post, I am in Edinburgh having accompanied my son and his family when they moved here so my son could work on a doctorate at the university. My plan is to hang around to help in any way that I can, then after my stay is completed I will make my solo journey home. (Not looking forward to that!!)

Being a genuine help, especially to my children, is a strong motivator for me. Yet, I struggle with fear that at 75 years of age, I will become limited as to how much help I will continue to be. Every increased ache or pain is taken advantage of by my flesh (that part of me that isn’t willing to be obedient to God’s Spirit in me), tempting me with doubts that I won’t be able to make but this one trip. My son will likely live here four or five years with his wife and two sons. Therefore my desire is to visit them once each year. But my flesh is stubbornly consistent in casting doubts and reeling in the thought that my desires won’t be fulfilled.

I battle constantly it seems with thoughts that my health will play out and prevent me from being the source of help and support I desire to be. When normal movement produces a sudden pain and/or discomfort , my thoughts become cloaked with negativity. Thoughts like, “You won’t last. What if you have to go to a doctor? You will become an inconvenience, not a source of help. That will mess up everything for them and for you.”

This is where my time of testing comes into full play. God has pointed out sources from His word where I can go to steady my thoughts and gain the perspective I need to assist me in recognizing the source of these doubts. The determination to reject them. And the insight to apply the powerful wisdom of these verses to defeat them. For instance: 

Psalm 34:4, ” I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (especially concerning the future of my health) 

God reminded me that my fears are nothing but fiery darts. My fears did not originate with Him. It was not His voice I was hearing. How did I know this? Because Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” 

Besides, Jeremiah 29:11 promises me this, “For I know the plans I have for you says the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a future and a hope.”

I can defeat the enemy by wielding the weapons God has assigned to me, or the enemy can defeat me by keeping me ignorant of such weapons.

Life does move on and often requires a reset…

Aug2

Last November my mother took up residence in heaven. The following March my mother in law did the same. My husband and I were their main caretakers. I was able to care for my mom while she lived in her own home, as her was next door to mine. My mother-in-law moved in with us two years before she passed. And in the fall of last year my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. From then until May I watched her slowly decline. Never understanding that she was dying and would not experience the hoped for recovery. I felt myself bending under the weight of sadness. Too much to deal with in just a matter of a few months. 

It is now August, and time continues the ongoing work of healing. While waves of sadness still reach the shores of my thoughts, they have diminished in size. No longer threatening to overwhelm but a gentle reminder that in my loss I have the comfort of knowing they now reside in heaven.

Yet after receiving a gut punch in the loss of my best friend, on the heals of the loss of my mother and mother-in-law, I have to say I have had more downs than ups. Due largely to not being able to fully recover from one loss before another one hit. This summer has been spent searching for words from God that would serve as an anchor to secure me in the midst of the storms I was facing

But in God’s timing, next week all ten of my grandchildren, plus most of my children and children in laws will converge upon my home for what has come to be called “Nammy Camp.” Looking forward to and planning for this annual event has provided the much needed impetus I have needed in order to move forward in hope without retreating into my sadness. That is God’s way, after all.

Life, as many know, can be altered suddenly. These times require a reset to a new set of circumstances and situations. And true to His word,  God will work all these new circumstances and situations together for our good for those who love Him and care about pleasing Him.

Next week I’m looking forward to a major ‘reset.’ Days of a variety of distractions and redirected trains of thought. A reset that will redefine the perspective God would have me take regarding this next bend in my life. 

Set backs will happen…

Jul8

I’m learning that reaching the final stage, Acceptance, in the grieving process doesn’t mean the road is now clear ahead. The other day, I made a run into town to Hobby Lobby, one of my favorite stores. I suspected this might be challenging. For you see, not only is it my favorite store, it was also Joney’s favorite.

Consequently, as soon as I walked through the door my mind was inundated with memories of the many shopping excursions Joney and I had made there. We never left that store empty handed. As a matter of fact, we often carried out more than we intended to buy! Sound familiar? But as God always does, He went before me and provided a shopping companion for me. My teenage granddaughter accompanied me thus lessening the impact going it alone would have had.

But eventually the time came to return my treasure of a granddaughter to her destination. Then I began the drive home. Once again, I was bombarded with memories. Memories of conversations that ran the gamut from deep spiritual thoughts to hilarious nonsensical thoughts. I could always count on Joney to spark a healthy dose of laughter to make the hard realities of truth easier to swallow. (Sounds like a line from Mary Poppins, doesn’t it)

Yet this time, I heard no ones voice but mine. And the quiet was, as they say, deafening . Loneliness enveloped me. I exerted much effort to block the negative, you know, fiery darts, with God’s Truth thoughts. Truths such as:

 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV

 “My Presence will go with you (He was saying I was not alone), and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14, NIV

However, as strong as these Truths were, the cloud of sadness continued to envelope me. Sadness brought on by the loneliness I was feeling intensified as fear and doubt joined its rank. These fiery darts took advantage of my low spirits by pressing me with thoughts of additional complications I might be facing as I grew older and less likely to manage without help.

Nevertheless, I continued pressing in to God. Psalms 34 became my anchor. God kept saying, I will be with you, I will deliver you from all of your fears, I will save you, to take refuge in Him, and on and on. Words to focus on, to believe in and apply!

It took a few days for God’s words to steady me. But as the cloud slowly dissipated, I’ve come to realize that set backs are a useful part of the healing process. They have a God designed purpose. For when the fiery darts are fired, putting up our shield of faith is necessary, if we want to thwart the attack. By cooperating with God, He will utilize the effects of the set back for our good. The following verse reveals the outcome:

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10 NIV

Wrestling with the future!

Jul1

What does the future hold? Who can answer such a question? Yet, we can get a pretty good idea based on what is happening in the present. At the age of almost 75, I have already experienced the death of my best friend. While it was a gut punch to loose my best friend, my confidant, it opened my understanding to the fact that death grows more common as we age. It’s just an aging thing. Not something we like to think about but it is a reality. Peoples bodies aren’t made to last forever. One of these days we are just going to wear out. The reality is that sometime in the future we are going to die. 

So since it’s inevitable and unavoidable, what should be our perspective about living out our lives? I find myself wrestling with thoughts about the future. Why wrestling? Because sometimes my vision is limited to my life here on earth. I see my body increasing in aches and pains, and running out of strength. Yard work, going up and down the stairs in my house, and keeping my balance presents obstacles in getting things done around here. Eventually, I just won’t be able to do the work it takes to keep up my yard and house. What do I do then?

Well, I could expand my vision and think about life beyond death. I am a believer in God and Jesus Christ. I have God’s Spirit living within me. God has spectacular plans for me after I die because I made a decision to become His child. Plans that include new life beyond this earthly life. I understand from what I’ve read in the Bible, that it is going to be more wonderful than I could imagine. Therefore, I could plant my thoughts in the rich soil of God’s eternal plan as I go about my daily life! And as I’m living my life I can incorporate the promises below. 

Is 46:4 NLV ,  Even when you are old I will be the same. And even when your hair turns white, I will help you. I will take care of what I have made. I will carry you and will save you. 

Ruth 4:15, He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age.

2 Cor. 4:16, Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.

God has laid out a path for me. It’s only when I direct my focus away from His path, that I make myself vulnerable to the enemy’s plans. That’s when the wrestling begins!

Moving through grief, but keeping to the course…

Jun17

It’s been a few weeks now and while I’m still mourning the loss of my best friend, I do believe I have reached a turning point. The counsel of God, instructed me, early on, to take my time in grieving. And how long that time needed to be was up to me. So, I’m taking my time. Moving through as the light is given.

I spent time praying and seeking God’s counsel in His word. I’ve also leaned into writings of Christian writers that pointed me back to Christ. Such as C S Lewis and the website I referred to in an earlier post. I was prompted to cry out to God, like so many writers of Psalms did. For there was much I could not understand. I had questions, that had no answers. But I verbalized them to God, nevertheless. He was the only one who would allow me to unload without it threatening our relationship.

And that time spent in prayer and God’s word has and is bringing healing. The danger of dwelling on the unanswerable questions is that I wouldn’t move through the stages of grief in a healthy manner . I would get bogged down. For instance, “Grieving brings a deep sense of isolation. Isolation is a liar and tries to convince people they are alone and not understood.” Sounds like fiery darts doesn’t it!

But eventually, baby step by baby step, God is leading me out of my sorrowful darkness. While the pain may still be a dull ache that won’t go away, it is not as overwhelming as before. And while I may still have unanswered questions, I’m learning to not allow them to steal my focus. My moving forward will be impaired if I dwell on issues that are not in my realm to answer.

As I move into the Acceptance stage, I’m learning my reality has changed. “Acceptance has to do with concluding and moving on. We come to grips with the reality that there is no “going back to normal” rather, there is only a “new normal.”  My new normal is proving to be a learn-as-I go effort. I need God’s insight to navigate it successfully. Taking to heart God’s words from Scripture and applying them to my walk daily, gives me the light that will keep me on the path God has laid out for me.

Grief; the process. God; the hope!

Jun11

Loss, no matter the particulars, can threaten to be overwhelming. After the loss of my best friend of 20 plus years, it was as if I suddenly found myself walking alone on a path we both had shared.. This path had been filled with a variety of shared experiences. When the path dimmed and we found it difficult to move forward, God would shine His light on the way we should go. If it weren’t for those learning times of sharing the light, no telling how long I would have wandered alone in that darkness.

Grief turns out to be not a state but a process. Grief is like a winding road where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape. — C.S. Lewis, from A Grief Observed

Grief takes us on a challenging but predictable path. First shock/denial, then anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance. It’s been a month since I said my final goodbye to my best friend. And as time progressed, so did my movement through these stages. And through it all, I have been aware of God’s comforting presence. I was once told it’s the Holy Spirit of God that helps us do the hard things. I’ve been a most grateful recipient of that power. His power prevents me from lingering too long in one stage. Instead moving steadily onward, however slowly.

It’s difficult to imagine a future without my confidant. How will I manage those dark patches without her God inspired voice to coach me through them. I have no idea, but I know God does, and it will be the hope of that restoration that I will need to ponder upon.

Death changes things…

May21

My best friend, who I was looking to several more years of camaraderie with, has passed away. Her death causes me to be reflective. Our friendship was of the rarest kind. It was not of this world, for it was based, grounded, and gifted by God. We had one of those iron sharpening iron unions. When God needed to make a point with us, He often would give it to the one to share with the other. I told her often, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Well, now I’m having to find that out. 

What am I finding out? I’m finding out death and change are companion forces. Death demands change. I’m finding out this harsh change can be used in one of two ways. It can produce a resolve to willingly reflect upon the changes I need to face up to in my own life or it can be used to create a numbness to the need for change in my life.

My best friend’s death has thrust me onto an undesirable path. A path without her companionship. Many of those she loved are finding themselves on a similar path. One without her countless physical acts of loving care. A path without the benefit of her voice reminding them of God’s love and calling on their lives. 

May we allow the memory of the words God spoken to us during her time with us to produce the changes that remain to be made in our lives. May we allow God’s pure voice to rise above all the cacophony of voices pulling us to focus only on ourselves. Voices that would cloud our memories of the truths she shared with us.

May we cooperate with God in examining those changes still needing to be made and from this point forward display actions and attitudes that truly honor Him and the prayers of the one who loved us so much. And by the way, bring us to our senses and escape the devil’s trap having been captured by him to do his will.

She’s gone on ahead…

May16

My best friend has gone on before me.

And I’m left behind

What do I do now when

I need her to pray for me

Or I just need to talk!

She helped keep my emotional balance

When life shifted & became upended

It worked both ways for us

For I lifted her up in my turn

Iron sharpening iron

We had that in each other

And in her final moments, I was prevented from sharing them with her

An event she look most forward to never happened

So we both were denied at the end

We shared similar dreams

We constantly found ourselves experiencing similar problems

As we helped guide each other through them

Our 20 plus years of friendship has been abruptly halted

Focusing on what I’ve lost is the tempter’s plan

I’ll not give in to that darkness

The things I don’t understand will just have to be filed away

To wait for a future revelation

In the meantime, I will grasp hold of God’s promises

He will never leave me or forsake me

He will work all things together for my good

He will be my strength at my weakest of times

He will give me reasons to continue moving forward

One day or moment at a time

The Realities of this season…

May11

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Growing old wasn’t so hard when I was in my 50’s and 60’s. Yet now that I’m in my 70’s, it’s as they say, “A whole new ball game!” The rules are different along with the conditions. The 70’s are proving to far more challenging. Last November my mother passed away at 100. For the first time in my life, I was forced to walk the path of my life without her presence. Without her input, without her support, without her assistance. That’s left a lot of empty spaces. It’s like entering a room where everything has changed but you still have to navigate a way through it, only without the familiar markers of the past.

The physical aches and pains of growing old are a cold reality in my 70’s. I can no longer skirt around the term ‘elderly.’ I am now one of those. And during the scope of the argument my body revolts at fully applying myself to the requirements of caring for and maintaining yard and home.

Now a new shadow has been cast upon the whole scene, as my best friend has fallen victim to cancer– she has been one of my most consistent reprieves to keep all this in balance. She always filled in the gap when three of my four children and their families moved out of state and one out of country. Taking in a movie, going for a bike ride, shopping therapy, doing lunch and even making road trips now and then provided the company I missed out on when my children moved away. Her godly counsel directed my thoughts towards an attitude that was more pleasing to God. Kept my mind directed towards pleasing God; not getting my own way or wallowing in self-pity.

The days ahead appear dark and lonely or so that is what the enemy would have me believe. My challenge at present is to pick up the weapons God has given me to thwart the enemy’s plan.



Ecclesiastes 3:1, ASV, For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:

Isaiah 46:4, NLV, Even when you are old I will be the same. And even when your hair  turns white, I will help you. I will take care of what I have made. I will carry you, and will save you.

Ruth 4:15, NIV, He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age

2 Cor. 4:16, NKJV, Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.