Tag Archive | empty nest

Seasons of Contentment

As a 73 year old mother and grandmother, I am finding that the winter season of life is an unbalanced mixture of highs and lows. And, as is too often the case, my perspective is fashioned by the self-centered bent of my fleshly nature. You know, that part of us that we are all born with and until we invite God’s spirit to dwell within us, rules our thinking.

Ever since the last of my 4 fledglings flew from the nest (that was 18 years ago), it’s been an up and down journey for this mom. Contentment was a constant as I was raising my four beloved children. But as one by one they took flight, my contentment began to wane. And was sorely tested when my entire brood moved out and away. Since then while they have moved sometimes closer and sometimes further (even one went to live on the African continent) my contentment ebbed and flowed in concert with their change of addresses . Predictably, the arrival of grandchildren, as wonderful as that has been, contributed to an even greater elusiveness of contentment.

Initially, there were times when I thought, “I just can’t do this.” The reason being, I was brought up on a farm where children grew up and planted their homes not too far away. Therefore, I was predisposed to expect the same future for my growing babes. And even more so since returning to my childhood roots about 40 years ago to establish my forever home.

Yet, the cold reality is that the contentment of my four grown up children is now defined as mine was when we shared the same nest. My presence is no longer necessary to their contentment. Instead,I have become an accessory.

And you know what I am discovering? Being an accessory is as it should be. It’s the way of life. I am learning that only when I allow the lies of fiery darts to interpret my thoughts, will I wander into the valley of despair.

Every season of life is designed for a purpose. God reminds me of this, when I am tempted to allow sadness and my lack of contentment to fashion my attitudes and actions. Plain and simple, my friends, this is nothing but disobedience. Besides, my discontentment will steal the blessings God has for me in this season.

Up until my Winter season there were an abundance of reasons for my seasonal contentments. They were blessings straight from God. And they motivated me in overcoming the hardships I encountered. But in my Winter season the absence of those preferred blessings created a gap in my contentment. That is until I came to terms with the fact that the truest and best contentment can only be found in Christ. This type of God-given contentment opens the door to appreciate a whole new realm of contentments designed to enhance the Winter of my life. Being contented in Christ is the perspective we need to envision all the possibilities for contentment no matter the season of life, but especially in our life’s Winter season.

More on saying goodbye!

Here’s another thought God gave me in my time with Him this morning!

Why is it that we as parents of grown children struggle so with the fiery darts of loneliness and depression when our children and grandchildren (especially those who live a long ways from us) depart after a visit?  I have some thoughts regarding that!

For me, my struggles with these two fiery darts are dramatically diminished as long as I bring the power of Scripture to bear upon them.  Yesterday, God helped me to understand the impact of focusing on His blessings in keeping the temptations of loneliness and depression at bay.  And I am here to tell you, “It works!”

In addition, God gave me another thought this morning that I feel I must share with you.

Part of our problem is that we struggle to accept reality.  The reality is that children grow up and often move away from their parent’s home, town, (and sometimes even country)!  That’s normal, that’s as it should be.  But we think we would be happier if they lived closer and mourn the fact that they don’t!  As long as we think on these little ‘t’ truths, we open the door of our minds to an onslaught of fiery darts.  The results of that?  Read on!

We will become more and more self absorbed!

Our notice of families who live close to each other will be intensified and we will begin to envy them and feel sorry for ourselves.

The distance between ourselves and God will continue to expand.

Our time with God will diminish and become less fruitful.

Mentally and emotionally we will be bummed out, and that will begin to take a toll on us physically!

IT’S A DOWNWARD SPIRAL!

I know that the fiery darts will always nag at my mind!  Such as: I’m getting too old to become adventurous.  How do I know my health won’t play out?  Physically I just can’t manage as much as I use to.  I’m running out of time; it’s just too late to attempt new things.

If I allow myself to think like that then that abundant and prosperous life God has for me in John 10:10b and Jeremiah 29:11 will indeed pass me by.

So perhaps now you understand why it is vital to be deliberate about our thinking!  God has given us some excellent advice in Philippians 4:8 about how we should be directing our thoughts:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. (NIV)

And the results of this kind of thinking?

We will begin to realize we have more time to spend with God! (The benefits of that cannot be measured!)

We will become less self absorbed! (Our world won’t be so centered on us!)

Our health will improve b/c we are in a healthier mental and emotional state!

We will begin to enjoy the freedom to pursue things we wouldn’t consider or afford as long as we had the responsibility of caring for our children. (I took a flying lesson recently!)

We begin to respond normally to those difficult goodbye’s.  Sad, of course, b/c we miss them and b/c we enjoy having them around, and we love making those memories with them, but we soon get back on our feet and move on to enjoy the life and benefits of the empty nest God has ordained for us.  Because as God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

and John 10:10b,

 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.(NIV)