Tag Archive | Romance

Parent’s Alert: “The Stirring”

In my previous post, we determined that the key to happiness (the kind that we parents would desire to pass along to our children) was to have a relationship with Christ and being obedient to God’s word.

Okay, now that we have established this basic Truth of Parenting, what next?

   First, we must examine our own lives. Do we have a solid relationship with Christ? Does obedience describe that relationship? Parents, if we don’t have that nailed down then we are putting our children’s future at risk. Here’s why:

   During the time of adolescence there is a stirring that becomes keenly apparent to girls early on and typically to the guys a bit later. It has been assumed by our society that this stirring heralds the beginning of “the search” for a future spouse and as a result girls and guys begin counting the days when they will become old enough to date. And, as our society relaxes its standards, the age to begin this search becomes younger and younger. When you add to that the ease of communication between our young people, guy/girl relationships develop in their intensity long before the individuals have reached a level of maturity to be able to handle such intensity.
   The senses of young people are quickened to anything that speaks of romance. Our culture is quick to expose our adolescents to all sorts of romantic encounters on television, in movies, books and depending on the ability of the adolescent to access it, it can be pretty graphic. During these encounters our children are taught all about love and romance from society’s perspective; a society that pretty much rejects anything God may have to say about this subject. Then they file this misinformation away into their memory banks and draw upon it as they become more and more consumed with the search. FD p. 51

   Parents, our children depend upon us to help them make sense out of this ‘stirring’! And I am alarmed that the common assumption of many parents (even Christian parents) is that “this stirring heralds the beginning of the ‘search’ for a future spouse”. (FD p.51)

   The fiery dart here is subtle, dangerously so! Because if we misinterpret what this stirring is all about, then our children, by our own erroneous definition, will set them on a course that can in no way promise the happiness that we would have hoped for them. 

Next time, we will delve into the fiery darts of ‘the stirring’.




The Stirring?

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At this writing I am pondering the typical week of incredible God happenings at my 2nd most favorite place on earth (1st being my home)!  This place is a church camp nestled in the Appalachian mountain range.  Our church’s youth are on their way home while my husband and I are soaking in a few more days of rest and relaxation at this blessed place.

I could write volumes about why this camp is so special to my family (it’s where my son answered the call to missions) and my church family (approximately 12 of our youth, since my son, have answered the call to missions due to the influence of this camp).

But the reason you will read a post about this amazing camp in my Fiery Darts blog is because of the prompting I received during a week of camp several years ago.  Those eventful promptings became the 7th chapter in my book  Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice.

Here’s an excerpt from that chapter:

During the time of adolescence there is a stirring that becomes keenly apparent to girls early on and typically to the guys a bit later.  It has been assumed by our society that this stirring heralds the beginning of “the search” for a future spouse and as a result girls and guys begin counting the days when they will become old enough to date. (p. 51)

Could it be that the stirring in our hearts (as adolescents) that initiates a search for true love is the Holy Spirit calling us to a love relationship with our Creator? (p.55)

This is where the fiery darts come in!

When campers attended this camp, they were presented with some rather antiquated ideas about romance. As I started chaperoning at this camp around 10 years ago, I have had the opportunity to observe the effect of these antiquated ideas.  (These ideas included such things as courtship – you know, the old-fashioned idea of a guy approaching the father of a girl for permission to court his daughter because the guy was interested in marrying this girl!  That’s the way it use to be done back in the day!)

Young people were encouraged to turn their hearts towards God at the onset of these ‘stirrings’ and learn from Him how true love was to be defined. Then upon that foundation all love relationships were built.

You might think that what I have described no longer fits in with our cultural ideas of love and marriage.  And you’d be right.  They don’t fit in.  Know why?


Fiery dart thinking will persuade you that the stirring is definitely the start of ‘the search’ for someone to date and someday maybe (but not necessarily) marry.  The thought that God is calling you to a love relationship with your Creator is absurd, by this particular worldview.

But over the past 10 years I have made some astounding comparisons between those who applied the instructions from Scriptures taught by the leaders of this camp and those who rejected those outdated ideas for society’s approach to understanding love.

First of all, those young adults who led the camp and were single not only promoted the scriptural teachings about love but they practiced them as well.  And as you might suspect, our campers watched in awe as beautiful love stories unfolded for these young adults. And also, as you might expect, they too desired to experience such love stories for themselves.  And couple by couple, I have had the pleasure of attending (and my husband has had the honor of performing) beautiful wedding ceremonies for many of our church’s young adults.

So, I ask you,

Who wouldn’t want to be able to experience a pure and beautiful love story such as I have described?

If you accept the fiery darts then,

be prepared for more brokenness than you imagine, more disappointments than you can bare, your happiness will be fleeting and your troubles will be difficult to manage.

It’s a no brainer, isn’t it.

Here’s what God has to offer anyone who would choose to follow Him and His lead.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11


How do you spell love?

Because Valentine’s Day is coming up, I think it is the appropriate time to address a relevant issue covered in my book, Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice, concerning the definition of love.

      When a marriage lacks “love” as defined by society, that is romantic feelings, it becomes inconceivable to those subscribing to society’s definition to remain in the relationship.  When it is romance that fuels our relationship then our focus is on the performance or lack thereof of our spouse.  (p.72)

         In defining love, could it be that we have succumbed to another fiery dart?  When we define love according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we find that, “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” (NIV)  This is the kind of love Jesus has for us.  It is a God-centered view of love.  This kind of love will preserve marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to the reconciling love of its Creator.Do we think that we could love like this if we never encountered the situations that had the potential to teach us how to love in this manner?  This love is not performance based; it does not require that our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations must be met; it is not self-seeking, which unfortunately defines, for too many us, the basis of our love for others.  This type of love can only be found by sitting at the feet of Jesus and allowing Him to teach us how to love as He loves. (pp.72-73)

         A clear understanding of the love we should have, as described in the Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13), expands our definition of love.  As Christians we were taught to define love by Christ’s example.  I suspect the only way we can love like this is to become more like Christ as we handle the problems we face in our marriages. (p. 73)

         So why do I insert this section from my book?  Because I believe that Society is out of balance in defining love.  We have put way too much emphasis on the romantic aspect of love.  It might even be said of Society’s definition of love that if you’re not experiencing romance, then you’re not experiencing love!  And to that, I say, “Society! You are way off on your definition!”  If we go by Society’s definition then all those married couples who for one reason or another have stayed together in spite of the fact that the romance has gone out of their relationship are fools.   Well, maybe that’s a bit strong!  How about ‘crazy’?

I would like to encourage all those ‘crazy’ married couples out there who are hanging in there without the benefit of the glue of romantic feelings!  First of all, God bless you!  Thank you for showing by your example that ‘love’ is spelled ‘c-o-m-m-i-t-m-e-n-t’.  By your example, you are redefining ‘love’ and getting closer to its truer meaning. So keep on keeping on! God has some pretty awesome plans for you. Remember Jeremiah 29:11?

“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,

To be sure, romance is desirable in a marriage.  For those of you who are blessed to still have that, how wonderful!  But do not despair if your marriage doesn’t.  Learn how to fight the fiery darts that have disheartened and discouraged your marriage.  Hold on to the hope that once you have acknowledged and learned how to wage war on the fiery darts attacking your marriage, then the healing of your marriage can begin.

Remember:  Romance is a by-product of love but it does not define love!  Yep, if you’ve got commitment, then you’ve got a lot of love in your marriage–you are just learning to spell it differently!